Pieces of Moonlight

a Card Captor Sakura fanfic

by Serenade

Spoiler warning: Volume 9 of the Card Captor Sakura manga.

Disclaimer: I don't own these characters. They belong to CLAMP.

Last night, you were in my dreams again.

I was running through the woods beneath a moonlit sky. I was searching for something, but the trees all looked the same and I was lost in their maze. At the same time, a sense of urgency accelerated through my heart. Branches tore at my uniform as I pushed past them heedless.

Then I saw you, lying against the bole of a great cherry tree. Drifts of pale blossom had fluttered down to rest lightly on your limbs. For a moment, I was afraid you were dead, but you opened your eyes and smiled your charming smile at me.

You said, "I knew you would come for me, Touya."

I knelt beside you and clasped your slim hand in my own. Then a cold wind shook the forest and you vanished in silence.

That was when I woke up - when I always wake up.

I know my dreams are warning me, but I still don't know what to do. What's the use of all my powers, my vaunted second sight, if I can't protect a single person who's important to me?

You see, I already know your secret. You're not an ordinary human being, are you - very likely not even human at all. I've never quite managed to figure you out. But then, I haven't tried very hard, never questioned too deeply, afraid you would be like the mirage that disappears when you stare too closely at it.

I don't want you to disappear from my life, Yuki.

I always used to be a solitary child - "strange Kinomoto who sees things". Then later, when I learned that silence hides difference, "aloof Kinomoto who keeps to himself".

But with you, it was never like that. You never treated me any different, never looked at me oddly, before I told you or after. "It doesn't mean you're abnormal," was all you said. "I think it makes you special." And your smile was sudden and disarming, as if you knew something about me I hadn't even guessed myself.

Today when I found you fallen by the path, it was as though my nightmare had congealed into reality. You lay tumbled like a puppet whose strings had been cut, your skin as pale as wax. You only stirred when I touched your shoulder, blinking up at me with bewildered eyes.

"I must have fallen asleep again," you said. "I was on my way to your house..." Your face tightened with concentration. "I don't remember, Touya," you said, an uncharacteristic tremor in your voice. "I don't remember any of it!"

I could see my own fear and desperation reflected in your eyes. I laid my hands on your shoulders, felt you shaking like a wind-savaged tree. It must be terrifying, to be losing pieces of yourself like this. It's terrifying to me, who is only a witness.

"It's all right, Yuki," I said, my throat dry as sand, but you had fallen into unconsciousness again.

I had to carry you home, cradled against my chest like a child, your bony elbows digging into my ribs. You were lighter than I expected, as though the substance had been sucked out of you. I could feel your heartbeat fluttering slowly, like the wings of a moth.

I've been sitting here for hours, watching you sleep, as the twilight shadows spread across the floor of your room. In sleep, you seem almost like an ordinary boy, nothing supernatural about you at all.

I used to wonder if you were deliberately pretending, disguising your true nature from me as I disguise mine from strangers. I waited for you to tell me, wondering if you hesitated because you didn't trust me enough, or if you neglected to speak of it because you assumed I already knew.

But now I suspect you're actually unaware of your hidden self. No one could pretend to be so guileless. Your soul is as clear as water, as open as the sky. So impossibly kind, it tears my heart open.

And now you're dying by degrees, and you don't even understand why.

The nape of my neck begins to prickle; the familiar sensation leads my awareness to sharpen in response. But it still takes me a few seconds to realise that your eyes are open and watching me. "Touya?" you whisper. "Where am I?"

"You're home," I answer, attempting a reassuring smile. "You collapsed earlier, so I brought you back here."

"I see. I'm sorry to be such a bother. I've just been so tired..." Your voice trails off; your eyes are clouded with misery and confusion.

I reach out my hand and grasp yours. "It's OK. I'm here. I won't leave you alone."

You lift up your free hand, trace your fingers along the curve of my cheek. I close my eyes, but still, I swear I can feel you smile.

Now, lying next to you in the warm darkness, listening to your soft breathing, I can almost believe there will be a tomorrow.

My mother only graced this earth for a short span of years. My father always says he was happy to have shared a portion of that time with her, however brief its duration, however painful their parting. Every moment was a precious gift, and to demand more would be petty.

But maybe I'm more selfish than my father. The brief time we've spent together, you and I - it's not enough, it can't be all we have. There are still too many things I need to say to you, Yuki, too many things left unspoken.

But I feel like I'm clutching at moonlight; it slips through my fingers whenever I try to catch it. Whatever it was that brought you here is drawing you back inexorably. There are powers in the world that humans cannot hope to understand, let alone defy. You can't fight a force of nature, not even with the powers I have.

The powers I have...

No, you can't fight the forces of nature. But perhaps you can bargain with them.

Whatever I have to sacrifice, it doesn't matter to me. I'll accept it freely, as long as you can stay by my side.

Yuki, I won't let you disappear.

Because. Because. Because.